shower

Living in Hotels – It’s Us or The Bedbugs

I spend about ten nights a month in hotels. I’ve been doing this job for fourteen years. I’ve slept (or attempted to sleep) in a hotel bed roughly 1700 times since then. I’ve learned a few things about survival along the way. I’ve not caught any nasty infections, have maintained a relatively healthy immune system, and have woken up most mornings rash-free. How do you stay so healthy while galavanting around that petri dish, you may ask? Very carefully. I have a fine-tuned hotel regimen that I will now offer you so that you too can wake up looking like the happy and well-rested humans on the poster in the elevator. “Good Day? No, Great Day!” First off… Everything is Hazmat. Every time your skin touches anything that didn’t come from the airlock chamber that you call your suitcase needs to be sanitized immediately. And remember to respect that airlock and treat it as the clean room that it is. It is your only fortress of solitude in the battle between you and the microscopic threats that are everywhere. Don’t put […]

I Made a Burrito and Forgot to Shave

My job as a pilot is made much easier by checklists and routines. I do the same thing – the same way – every time. Checklists are written in a way that is intended to flow logically as we set up the cockpit for each phase of flight. It’s the times when something upsets that flow that checklist items are missed. You’re midway through a taxi checklist, and a radio call breaks the cadence of the “challenge and response,” and it’s easier (and safer) to start over rather than stumble back into it. My life has become a series of checklists. I’m not sure if I was made for aviation or if a career in aviation has made me the way I am. When I’m on a trip, each day I do the same thing – the same way – every time. My evening ritual in the hotel has been modified slowly over the years to become the most efficient it can be. I check into my room and immediately strip the garnish bedspread off the bed and lay out

Assimilation

The whole houseboat is IKEA! We’re in a neighborhood a bit outside of Central Amsterdam. Although it’s only a 30-minute walk or an easy tram or bus ride into the center of it all, we are far enough away to feel more local. Buying a cup of coffee yesterday down the road, a man asked, “Did you guys just move in?” “Nope, here for three weeks though, we’ll see you soon,” I say “Cope back,” He answers, “We have great food.” This windmill is down the road. Day one – Philly to Amsterdam. Departed at 6pm – landed at 830am. Our trip started in Philly thumbing our way onto an eastbound flight to Amsterdam… Although there were still a few seats in the back open, we dropped a hundred bucks on the upgrades to sit up front. Awkward though as passengers walked by to their seats in steerage making comments about the first class ‘accommodations.’ “Could you imagine spending a thousand dollars more to sit up here?” They didn’t know about the dessert choices. I kept reading my complimentary copy

Our Lady of Perpetual Leaks

Forget Our Lady of Lourdes. Forget the Wailing Wall. It’s time we canonize the shower. No, really. Light a candle. Sling a rosary over the curtain rod. This thing has been weeping its own kind of holy water for over a year now. A true miracle of modern plumbing. If she were to appear to us, we’d call her Our Lady of Perpetual Leaks. She doesn’t ask for prayers—just caulk. And maybe a towel. We’ve had more plumbers pass through this house than apostles at the Last Supper. Each one showing up with some shiny tool and holy intention, and leaving slack-jawed and spiritually defeated. Even Baltimore’s own “Best Plumber”—according to the City Paper—walked out with nothing but a shrug and a hurried sign of the cross before hopping into his truck like it was a getaway car. Of all the men who have come and failed, only Mike’s Plumbing has dared return. Diagnosis? Same as always. “More caulk,” he says, like a doctor prescribing water to a drowning man. And caulk I have. “I’ve caulked the hell out of

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