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If you watch enough daytime TV… you will get cramps

The boy is almost nine months old, and since I’ve been back to work after paternity leave, I’ve been flying weekends. Although airport Chick-fil-A is closed on Sunday, it is nice to work weekends and steal the Sunday NY Times from sleepers in the airport. I play a game of whack-a-mole where I rotate newspapers. I’ll take a Times and leave a Post or slip in an Us Weekly after finding a People. Working weekends means I’m a stay-at-home dad most of the week. I’m working trips that start late Friday night to return Monday, which gives me four days of full-time daddy duty. Essentially, Momma Stork and I split the week in half and tap out like wrestlers when one of us goes to work. Sometimes you’ll hear an air traffic controller briefing the replacement during a shift change. “This guy is slowed to 270, and I’ve got them on a heading while this one is holding for spacing into Chicago.” We offer up a similar briefing. “He ate at 8 and 12 and had two dirty diapers before […]

Mornings in a Hotel: “Where am I? What Time is it?”

A friend once told me that every day he wakes up in a hotel, it feels like waking up with a hangover. “I’m not sure where I am or how I got here, but at least I have my pants on.” Add in the fact that we stay in a variety of hotels with countless floor plans, alarm clock models, and coffee makers, and sometimes you’d think you were at a bachelor party the night before. Throw in a 4:30 a.m. wake-up call, and it’s like that bachelor served nothing but “Mind Eraser” shots followed by Jägermeister to chase it all down. I call it T.M.A. (Temporary Morning Amnesia), and typically it takes about a minute to clear. Sometimes there are clues in the room to help clear the mental fog. The Crowne Plazas we stay in advertise their hotels inside the shower head. Since I’m often in the shower within the 60-second window before T.M.A. wears off, this can be a huge breakthrough. The Eureka Moment! “Damn! I’m in Hartford! No free bagels downstairs, but at least the coffee

Assimilation

The whole houseboat is IKEA! We’re in a neighborhood a bit outside of Central Amsterdam. Although it’s only a 30-minute walk or an easy tram or bus ride into the center of it all, we are far enough away to feel more local. Buying a cup of coffee yesterday down the road, a man asked, “Did you guys just move in?” “Nope, here for three weeks though, we’ll see you soon,” I say “Cope back,” He answers, “We have great food.” This windmill is down the road. Day one – Philly to Amsterdam. Departed at 6pm – landed at 830am. Our trip started in Philly thumbing our way onto an eastbound flight to Amsterdam… Although there were still a few seats in the back open, we dropped a hundred bucks on the upgrades to sit up front. Awkward though as passengers walked by to their seats in steerage making comments about the first class ‘accommodations.’ “Could you imagine spending a thousand dollars more to sit up here?” They didn’t know about the dessert choices. I kept reading my complimentary copy

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