catholic

My childhood “Boy named Sue” moment

In grade school, we wore navy blue pants and white dress shirts. The boys had triangular collars, while the girls wore the rounded ones that little Catholic school girls wear. There was an unfortunate era when my sister and I wore the same size shirt even though we were two years apart. And, of course, there was that day. One of those days that sticks with you forever and came back to me the other day when I was trying on used sweaters at an outdoor market in Amsterdam. “This is a girl’s sweater,” I said to Susan. “Oh no, it’s not. It looks good on you,” she answered. “Irrelevant how it looks, the buttons are on the wrong side.” Back to grade school. The unlucky day must have been around 5th grade, and it was made clear to me by my teacher that I was wearing a girl’s shirt. She asked, of course, in front of the class, “Are you wearing your sister’s clothes?” The class turned and erupted in laughter. “Stork-dork’s wearing a girl’s shirt!” So my question […]

Our Lady of Perpetual Leaks

Forget Our Lady of Lourdes. Forget the Wailing Wall. It’s time we canonize the shower. No, really. Light a candle. Sling a rosary over the curtain rod. This thing has been weeping its own kind of holy water for over a year now. A true miracle of modern plumbing. If she were to appear to us, we’d call her Our Lady of Perpetual Leaks. She doesn’t ask for prayers—just caulk. And maybe a towel. We’ve had more plumbers pass through this house than apostles at the Last Supper. Each one showing up with some shiny tool and holy intention, and leaving slack-jawed and spiritually defeated. Even Baltimore’s own “Best Plumber”—according to the City Paper—walked out with nothing but a shrug and a hurried sign of the cross before hopping into his truck like it was a getaway car. Of all the men who have come and failed, only Mike’s Plumbing has dared return. Diagnosis? Same as always. “More caulk,” he says, like a doctor prescribing water to a drowning man. And caulk I have. “I’ve caulked the hell out of

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