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I hate the phrase “knock on wood”

I despise the phrase “Knock on wood.” It was only ever tolerable when sung by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. If you’re among those in the cockpit who’ve said, “I’ve never had an engine fire or a hydraulic leak. Wait, let me knock on…” and then scoured the cockpit for wood, you may remember the courtesy smile I gave you. I detest that phrase. I’m going to use it anyway. So far, the formula for keeping peace with a newborn has been pretty simple. I’m seeking some wood to knock on, amending my hatred for that phrase. If you’re in a place without wood, there will be no knocking—I just used air quotes. If I ever share a room with you on the International Space Station and catch you searching for some hardwood flooring after saying, “All this time and the toilet hasn’t backed up once,” I might kick you in the shins. Forget the knocking! I’ll declare it loud and boastfully, proudly tempting fate! Keeping peace with a newborn has been straightforward so far. When he cries, there are only […]

Holds and diverts and storms, oh my.

This was our third leg for the day. We began in Omaha around 2 PM, flew from Omaha to Milwaukee, and then off to Boston. On the return from Boston to Milwaukee, we ended up holding over Grand Rapids for 30 minutes before we made the decision to divert to Indianapolis for more fuel. Holding over Michigan with fuel burning away and planes above and below you all doing the same, you start thinking about plan B. Chicago had been in and out of holding patterns for most of the day, and airports were already full of diversions. This meant a long wait for fuel and the potential for issues with the Passenger Bill of Rights. We had a full flight and several infants on board that could be heard through the bulletproof cockpit door. To make things even more challenging, our Auxiliary Power Unit (APU) was inoperative, which meant no air conditioning on the ground, and I was certain that if a dozen planes were waiting for fuel already, no one would be in a hurry to get us

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